Vent? Why yes I will...

I don't normally "vent" here on my blog. However after first thinking I should just find something better to write about instead of going with whats really bugging me...I thought again, about the fact that leaving it all inside and not venting every once in awhile just isn't very healthy. Right? I mean if we never said how we felt and just let it all go.... how would we fix things to make us happier?
I'm not saying I'm unhappy, I'm just saying I have a lot on my mind and I might blow up if I keep it all inside.
See for the past 2 months, since school started really, Ryan has had to work nights. At first, we thought it would be kinda nice... more time with the kids and stuff. Well, that was wrong, the girls never really saw him much because they were in school, He saw Kale and Bryn, but there were also a million things on the list to get done before winter, and also before he had to leave for 3 weeks for his annual army training. My husband is a motivated person, he wants to get things done and get them done right. He works hard it! I appreciate that about him, however it also leaves us working on each others nerves sometimes too... he wants to get his stuff done before he has to leave for work... I'm trying to get my stuff done.. I have a routine during the day, and it kinda gets thrown out the window when he is on a nights schedule.
The hours between 3-7 are extremely chaotic now that we are in school mode. We get home from school... everyone walks in the door just drops everything and runs.. and literally begin climbing the counters looking for snacks. Even the two little kids who have been home and had snack... I feel like I'm in a zoo at this moment! It has come to the point that I won't let anyone out of the car when we pull into the garage until we discuss what they will do when they walk in the door. Where will you put your shoes? Your back pack? Your jacket... hat... books.......??? NOT on the rug in the entry way so I have to kick it all over just to shut the front door! They are starting to get the hang of it......
We have snack, and they get some play time out back... Lord knows they need to get out some of that energy! It doesn't last long though, because we need to practice our spelling words, and work on homework. It's 2nd grade, there isn't a ton of homework, but what they do have counts and they need to focus on it. Every night we read and/or do spelling, so I like to try to get the actual paper work they have (Math, phonics... whatever it may be) done on Mondays, so we don't have to worry about it for the rest of the week, we can focus on the spelling and reading more.... and we have Dance class on Wed. nights so thats a free night from homework.
Of course we have to have dinner... it's way easier if I make it ahead, get it ready or have something in the crock pot... but I don't always have a chance to make it ahead, and I don't always want a crock pot meal. Dinner can be loud and crazy here, and I still haven't figured out how a child can just fall out of their chair!? I swear at least once a week this happens here... we will be sitting and eating, and boom Emma's on the floor... or Bella, or Kale.... seriously I have no idea. They are just sitting eating one minute and BAM on the floor the next!
Then we clean up from dinner and get in the shower/bath get jammies on and get in "quiet down/relax" mode. HAHAHA!
Yes I'm part of the problem here...(the problem is the craziness and the loud and yelling from everyone).. I feel like Im going 100mph trying to get everything done, I feel like if I slow down they will never get to bed, as it is bedtime is not the best part of the day... I love to kiss them good night and pray with them, don't get me wrong here.... it's the 10th time I have to kiss them good night and pray with them that starts to get my blood boiling! Ryan always says, just ignore them don't go back upstairs.... They don't quit... "MOMMY I need to pee... I need you to pray with me again, I need you to tuck me back in AGAIN!" Typically one of them needs (wants) this and keeps at it if I ignore, and then the others can't sleep and start to yell down to me just that.. "I can't sleep... she/he is too loud!"
Not to mention I've been running all day and trying to keep everything in working order and take care of them, so by bedtime... Im ready for quiet. I just need to sit and eat a big bowl of ice cream by myself in the quiet.
So Ryan headed out to A.T. for about 3 weeks. This is nothing, we have been through deployments so... pshhh whatever, 3 weeks! Bring it! Well.... after the 2 months of night shifts... 3 weeks felt like a year. Ok maybe not a year.. but it felt like forever. we did good the 1st half, but I was so ready to have him back! I hate sleeping in my bed alone.... ok HA well, I didn't I had every kid in and out of my bed for three weeks..... but really, as much as I love to snuggle my babies, I just wanted to snuggle next to my husband. I wanted to sit and relax with him at night because he hadn't been home at night in so long. So when he got home, it was so nice to sit and watch a movie together and have him back in our bed again. Of course he got a night job again as soon as he got back :( I know I need to just be thankful he has work, and he has a good job.... but really, enough already with the night shifts! Then 6 days after coming home, he has a drill weekend. A man obviously planned that!!! A man that doesn't like his wife at that!
To make Drill weekend even better.... the unit was put on stand-by for being mobilized to NYC. Now I get it, they need some assistance down there, and I do feel for them.... but I'm about to loose my freakin mind here, and I need my husband home, and I need him on a normal day shift. So needless to say I spent the better part of the weekend praying God would have some mercy on me.
Call me selfish... call me whatever you want... I need my husband home! We haven't had a date in so long... we have one planned for this coming weekend. I did not want to have to cancel that! We have bday parties for our two November babies... I want him here for that! I want him here for bed time, I'm not ashamed to say I need his help! The kids don't listen to mommy as well as they listen to daddy, because mommy is here 24/7... they need daddy to make them go to bed sometimes. Not to mention they just plain need daddies hugs at bedtime too, they were asking all the time when he would be home.  They need their dad! So God please don't let him get mobilized to NYC, please, not now.
Well, he came home!!! Thank you God! For now they are still apparently on stand-by just incase, so we will see.
It is looking up....he is back on a day shift! Thank you God for that too! We can have family dinner again!! Sometimes, my husband thinks I only want him here for help with the kids and cleaning. Well, that is nice, I need him. I need him here with me, in our bed at night, loving us and taking care of us. I'm strong, I can do it... I have remember, he was deployed for a year... we make it work. We wanted this life... we still do... but that does not mean we don't deserve a break from time to time. I'm looking forward to getting back to Zumba, haven't been able to go since August... book club with the girls, you would think would be an easy one, its one night a month. I tried having it here, but that was a big FAIL, I spent more time going up and down the stairs trying to get the kids to be quiet and go to sleep... and silly me had it here twice haha... because I wanted to attend.
Oh well.... such is life I guess right.... it's never going to go perfectly my way, especially not with the military! It's always a waiting game! The clock it still ticking...we are still breathing, and I'm blessed to have my family and my husband! I love them and they love me!
So there... I vented! If you stuck it out and read the whole thing, thanks haha ;) I just had to let myself burst for a minute.
Ryan does so much for us, and on a normal schedule (what is normal..right?) things are a bit easier, and we have a routine. It just felt kinda like 2 full time jobs the past few months, with the night shift and the A.T. and drill weekend all bumping into each other. It isn't easy on him either, he is tired and sick of it too.... it is what it is though, and I'm hoping we can stick to days for awhile now!
And maybe, just maybe... we will have a whole new routine going for a us soon........................................................